to my true love...

catching up on life with jesus...

what idols in your life need to be torn down?
marriage/relationships/men/my future, clothes, anything not eternal. God, i so badly want to be all yours. break me and strip me from these things that have no eternal meaning. show me how i can glorify you without these things. your will be done, God...but i'm done. my flesh will desire, but my heart can not. bring me closer to you in prayer, word, and obedience.

in what area of your life do you need to trust God more?
send me a sign (felt on grass)...by gideon you must have meant melissa. ha. seriously self, quit that. and also, quit underestimating the power of God. thanks.
my future. seriously, it's like "who will you spend the rest of your life with and where will you live, and what will you be doing?" not only does my family beat this into my brain, but i do. who cares. god has plans for me and those plans will be fulfilled. plans to prosper. i understand this in my head, but all of the insecurity in the world comes in when it comes to the heart. how come i can't believe that you love me more than anything and want and know what is best for me? help me to trust you with my entire future, God. give me jesus. nobody can take that away from me. ever.

honor thy father and thy mother.
i miss you so much. i am sorry for being a horrible teenager and a whiney child. i'm sorry for not doing the little things when you gave me your everything. thank you for sacrificing your happiness for my happiness. i am going to go out of my way to honor you from now on...for two reasons. 1. my god commands this of me. 2. you deserve the honor.

where will you draw the line between having fun in the present and committing to God's purpose for your life?
this is so hard. i'm 21 and it's legal for me to drink. and i can honestly argue the point of it bringing glory to God, because i have had some of the coolest God conversations with people when drinking. but still, i'm not sure that makes it right or gives me the okay to go out drinking. i guess the line is just going to have to be the motives behind my speech and actions and limitation. idk. like i said this one is hard, because i don't necessarily think it's wrong, but God probably does.

what from your past still haunts you?
how can you release that to God?
rape. pray.

what decision are you hesitant to make because of the possible cost?
talking to someone i love because i don't want to lose them.

where do you sense God is leading you these days?
i don't know...but this inspired me...
"ruth was seeking God's best. it simply means you acknowledge that God knows what's best for you. ruth was willing to trust her entire life to God's leading. are you?"

what future reasons could there be for obeying God today?
we were talking about this in small groups today. every choice you make has much effect on your life, whether you realize it or not. you have the choice to obey and disobey as well. when you obey, often blessings are to follow. for instance, i really felt a calling to the registrar position this past summer. did i want to do it...no! but i knew it was from God, and in that time i learned a lot about myself and some sins i never thought i would struggle with and really dug into God's word and was hungry for him. so many things i needed and got though the hard times.

what drives you to pray more? less?
more- sadly enough it seems like i pray more when things aren't going well, or to ask for something. and more often than not, my prayers are very selfish.
less-when everything's fine. when i'm busy...also sad. dear melissa, how hard is it to make time for God? really?

what attitude will you choose when you have to wait for God's specific directions?
today...not a great one. most days...patiently waiting but intentionally looking for them.

how important are outward appearances to you and your friends?
i would say they are important if i wanted to be honest. i wish i didn't think that. i used to judge the people that look "metal" or "emo" but now i would go ahead and say i judge the "popular" looking people more for a few reasons. 1. it seems like they are the ones causing all of the unhappiness and insecurity because they are always perfectly put together body and clothing. 2. they are the ones who judge the "metal/emo" looking ppl. as far as my friends, i always worry about what they think of me. such as..."hey, fat cow...i mean, melissa. how are you?" i judge myself a lot. bleh. sick.

i'll prolly be back later with more. i need a quick break from this. soakin it all in.

mood: bleh.
food: none.
music: anything taylor swift...seriously? like why don't you write a few more songs about my life...aka white horse, hey steven, i'd lie, invisible, etc. sick taylor. sick.